Wednesday, 11 January 2017

Spectacular Disaster

I won’t spill all my secrets out onto this page now. I’ll save that for the non-fiction tell all novel that will be out in a few years.

I wanted to write about my trip home.
I come home every year because I’m a spoiled, entitled, millennial brat.
This year was especially special.  From the moment I touched Canadian soil I hit the ground running.

Lockey (my dad) laughs and says he doesn’t know anyone who has more friends than I do.  I have them because I work for them. I need them.  My friends make me who I am. I am my friends. I am nothing without these people.

Everyone looks back on 2016 with negativity and says lets leave this blasted year behind.  These are some of the things that happened to us in 2016 (some of the facts are flipped for obvious reasons):

death, watching someone get his by a bus, finding out you have cancer, meeting a stranger who is your biological mom at the age of 30, heart attack, more death, sexual assault, divorce, losing a limb, being unofficially diagnosed with autism (me. three times), public posts on social media to shame people, having the “you’re an alcoholic talk” (twice and also once me), manifesting every full moon and new moon for something you realize you wont ever have (wasted energy).

Yes these things are negative.  My heart was heavy at times, but I look back on these hard events with so much love.  There’s no un-awkward way to say it, but I’m thankful it all happened. My people run hard.  They are wise, they are resilient, they are beautiful. If all these horrible things didn't happen, I wouldn't run with them because I don't want to run with lambs.

Everything we do we do it hard and loud:
Law so hard
Lament so loud
Yoga so hard
Languor so loud
Friendship even harder

This year I truly realized how messy everything has become.  There are no clean lines through untouched powdered snow.  We’re falling all over ourselves and each other. Treading and tracking. Over sharing and overlapping. But it somehow all comes together in a beautiful ribbon wrapped into a bow.

My life is loud, outlandish and unruly. It’s all a fucking spectacular disaster.

In these last three weeks I stayed over night in 9 cities, across 3 provinces and a state. I’ve done everything:

Ice skating, snowboarding, laughing, crying, drinking too much, hockey games, driving for hours and hours, heady debates, even headier card games, burying the hatchet, beating the dead horse and then bloody burying that damn horse too, hard talks, meaningless talks, funerals, cuddling, giving, ex boyfriends and third wheels, hotels, hot tubs, couches and floors, making friends with strangers at the bar, wearing the same outfit for five days, meeting up with Gary & Catherine, looking an arch enemy in the eye, unpaid modelling, declined credit cards, bar hopping, sleeping in, not sleeping enough, being pretentious, stairway to heaven, trashy restaurants, classy joints, so much tarot, blowing up snapchat, ripping off Alexandre Dumas, dancing, loud music, botox, toasting, meditation, touching faces, hand feeding each other food, late night pho, spiritual healers showing up on the doorstep, late night pizza, helping two people unlock their psychic powers, yoga-ing my way to freedom and being Kicking Horse Kings & Queens for a day.

My chakras are vibing so high. I hold my glass up to 2016, today, this moment and tomorrow. Below is a list, in no particular order, of all the beautiful people I ran with these last three weeks (for everyone I missed seeing, I am so sorry and I will see you in May). Thank you for your time. Thank you for your energy.  Thank you for adding to the spectacular disaster.

Graeme Dempsey and the Dempsey clan, Scott, Faye and Barret Kinsman, the Atkins, the Dicksons, Whitney & Naresh, Dames Joney, Chris Doney, Tyler Sackley, Amanda, Emily and Victoria Fullmer, Erin Viala (I still owe you 35 clams), Oliver & Kelli, the Gilberts, Nicole Chacalias & Mark, my entire extended family, Karissa Bea Millar, Rod & Benita Millar, Graham Fleming, the Rosentreder twins, Dean & Angel, Jillian Rey and Ian, Kim Frey, Tom Chenier, April Brown, Sean Tonelli, Mallory Kosterski, Charis Sutton, Brooks Musty, Amanda Gallop, Michelle Greaves, Rae Robinn, Gavin McGregor, Mark Drever, Cassie Sutter, Mark Mitchell, Tala, Ryan & Susan, Mark & Deanna Jewells, Zuzanna, Kurt & Ashley, Benjamin Caldwell, Eric Laroque, Tony & Monel, Heather Turner, Heather Buttar, Simon Trafford, Alex Newman, John Ross.

Love Natural Disaster
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